Home… And Not Home

It’s a strange feeling.

I’ve been off to Australia for the last three weeks, visiting Jamie’s family. It was really wonderful to be there. The familiarity of being around people who enjoy your company.

The strange feeling of homecoming. I say strange because this isn’t really home, is it? I haven’t been in Stamford long enough for it to feel like home to me. It made me realise that I still largely associate home with all the familiar faces I’m unable to see now. Family, best friends, Sir Roderick, and even my co-workers and my bosses. I have no ties here except for Jamie. Seeing Vinnie, his wife, and even our house mate… it’s a different feeling entirely.

I guess I still feel like I am “on vacation” here because this is not really home. I feel stuck between one world and another. Like in the Magician’s Nephew, where I am in that limbo place full of different trees, which lead to different worlds I could enter. I am not gone but I am not at home. The terror of being groundless with no roots.

It’s funny because I love flying. I guess I wouldn’t want to be flying free as a bird–but more flying tethered like a kite.

Why can’t I want to be like a bird? Am I that insecure and that afraid of being alone that I must always have a keeper?

—————————–

Australia is interesting. Especially in Denmark, WA this time of year. It was much colder than I expected it to be. I think it was more damp cold rather than the dry cold I’ve experienced anywhere else.

We didn’t go to see any sites or take any tourist trips, but I enjoyed my time there regardless. I was able to learn more about Jamie’s parents and what I’ve learned has endeared them to me. It was a dream and a fantasy that I didn’t really want to wake up from. There was no internet, no phone connect, but I felt that I didn’t need any of those things. I felt that I had everything I needed.

I read a really fantastic book while I was there. The Children’s Book by A.S. Byatt. It made me want to keep writing my work. More on the book later.

Ack, back to work.

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