It’s technically a month and one day, as it is now after 12 am. Why am I still awake? Because he’s not here.
Distance is funny. We spent more than a year apart, sleeping in our own beds. So you’d think four nights alone would be easy peasy, right? How wrong. It’s only my second night alone and I still can’t sleep. I stayed up late last night, too. Thank science and technology that I don’t have to drive into work.
It’s not easy being here without him. It is and it isn’t. I feel like it’s time for me to do whatever I want… but all I want is to be laughing beside him as usual. I feel half of a person without him. Here in this room full of his things. I guess it was easier to be alone when I was in a room filled with just my things.
Being here has been amazing. I really feel like I belong with this person. It will devastate me if he ever felt that we should no longer be together, but I’m no longer afraid of that. If we want to stay together, then we will.
I’ve been communicating more with my father. Trying. I have gotten some more work done on my writing projects. I can’t call them books–not yet. They are not whole yet.
Jamie and I are looking at getting me a road bike. I think I would really love it.
I had a dream last night that Andrea (house mate from last summer) was my boss here. How terrible is that?
I’ve got a meeting early in the morning, so I’ll sign off for now.