It’s only been three years, but it feels like a lifetime.
I can imagine his hands on me, at any time of day. I can feel the pressure of his arms squeezing me into a bear hug. My face nestles comfortably into his chest. I am listening to his heartbeat.
We’re both non-religious. Him more so than I. We don’t believe in fate, love at first sight, or silly sentiments like “I will always love you.” We don’t believe in soul mates.
In place of faith in something that’s a hypothetical, we’ve got each other. He is not an idea of a person that I love. He is actually just the person that I love. The intrinsic parts of what makes him HIM have all been revealed to me and any other new revelations are merely small changes to him that don’t affect his overall personality.
In a way, I guess I could say that our love is no longer a hypothetical theory because his existence is the tangible proof that makes our love a fact. All that stands between theory and fact is really only proof, right?
That’s what his heartbeat is to me. Consistent proof of his existence and well-being.
My chest feels full, because it’s tight with “feeling” and “longing”. It’s a reaction of chemicals in my body, activating hormones that excite my nervous systems that scientists have a fancy name for. Some people say that THIS chemical response is all there is to Love. I say, “so what?”
Does it make this man any less important to me? The fact that the mere thought of him can activate the hormones required to make me blush, give me butterflies in the stomach, making my chest feel too tight to breathe…. isn’t this simple scientific fact A MIRACLE in itself? Surely there has been no other living person who can elicit that type of response from my body and the very fact that he can sets him apart from everyone else.
Because the words, “You are important and valuable to me in my life because due to my strong emotional attachment to you, your presence causes my body to react in a way it wouldn’t to anyone else.” is too much of a mouthful, I think it’s quite alright to simply all of those words into just “I love you.”
And I’m sure there are endless scientific explanations for all of our experiences of each other. Things like why whenever we have skin-to-skin contact, even accidentally, I heat up. Or why when I inhale the scent of him, I get a heady rush. Why kissing him feels like heaven. Why I smile involuntarily at the thought of him. Why considering the very high probability of us spending the rest of our lives together brings me to happy tears. Why the sound of his voice can stand out amongst many. Why I can feel so peaceful studying the contours of his face. Why the smile in his eyes soothes me.
There are endless explanations for WHY we emotionally and physical react to each other the way we do. But all the scientific analysis in the world, for why we are the way we are, still doesn’t make the existence of what’s between us any less miraculous to me.