I document this here because I actually feel very strongly about what I’ve written to him/her.
Some brief background to the argument. There’s been a popular thread on Reddit for a week or so now, asking those who have committed sexual assault to speak up about their motivations. The thread drew my attention briefly, and one of the top posted posts had been posted by a guy who admitted that he often “forced” girls to have sex with him during his college years.
What he went on to describe in his confession sounded nothing like what I believe rape was. He would often invite girls over, and he would put the moves on. From his description, none of them ever strictly said no. He still felt guilt though because whenever his partners were “enjoying” the hook ups, he would find it boring, and he was only ever excited when his partners squirmed.
That led me to leave a short post to him, explaining that it may have been that these women LIKED a little forced entry. Because I myself am one of these women. Key point: I did not state it as a fact that he did not commit rape; I was not there. What I did say was that I personally would not consider it rape.
Another point he made that didn’t convince me that what he did was rape: many of these women continued contact. They would call him for a second date, and a third.
Anyhow. Another Redditor caught on to my short blurb of a response to the guy, and decided to go all out-rampaging on me. The Redditor in question resorted to name-calling and direct flaming because he/she believed that I was a champion of rape. The Rape-nator. In short, he/she stated that all these women needed to do was squirm, and that’s grounds enough for it to be rape. And for me to write about my personal experience and opinion on the matter, I was belittling the suffering of rape victims everywhere.
I responded to her over a couple of long-winded posts in which I explained my position clearly. I believe, as you all know from both of my previous posts: I Put Awareness… and Not Rape, that the victims of sexual assault have a strong responsibility towards their own personal safety. This belief is what I then shared with this Redditor, who continued to misunderstand me and to go as far as call me “as disgusting as him [guy who posted confession]”.
So this victim mentality. The mentality that a punishable, sentence-inducing CRIME, doesn’t require any type of resistance from the victim… does that still make them the victim? As well, I am deathly afraid for the offspring of anybody who believes this. Does this mean that this Redditor will not be teaching his/her children proper procedures on how to avoid being prey to sexual assault? Will this person tell their children: “It’s okay Not to say No; just squirm around a lot and they’ll get the message”?
I’m not talking about women dressing up so sexily that they are practically inviting men to rape them. That’s bullshit. I’m talking about when a man pushes you down and tries to force himself on you, you should say No. That’s all I ask.
Physical expression is not ALWAYS universal. One person’s playful squirm may be another person’s self-defence squirm. No one can objectively say, “that person didn’t really want it” just by that person squirming. Vocal expression is universal. No will always mean No.