You Will Die A Horrendous Death

I hate fortune tellers.

I can’t understand blind faith of any kind. The idea that our future is set out in stone because of something called fate is ridiculous to me. And then there is the idea that fate is like a never ending web, with crossroads and forks at every turn. See, that idea is for people who don’t like the “set in stone” theory and would prefer to believe we have a choice.

I believe our only choice is to understand that every single moment that passes is never coming back. Every single moment I’m typing about faith and fate will never be again, because the passing of time is an undeniable truth. At least until physicists figure out a way to bend time. Even then, I’m not sure that it could ever bring back the same moment. If time is a straight line and it bends on itself, wouldn’t it be a continual loop that is unchangeable? Technically, if it was possible to go back in time, there would be nothing we could change. We would be stuck going through the same motions that was generated from our original selves. We would literally be doomed to repeated our mistakes. Who the hell would want to go back in time just to suffer yet another heartache?

But back to fortune tellers. Recently I had one of them try to that the love of my life is just around the corner. When she found out that I was already in a relationship, she attempted to back pedal and came out to say that it wasn’t meant to be. This was before she even asked any information about my relationship or the person I was with. I laugh it off for my mother. See, I didn’t go to the fortune teller for me, because I don’t believe in fortunes. My mother believes in this stuff, however sad it is, and I prefer to avoid a stupid row about it when I can just spend half an hour of my day giving her the satisfaction. I guess when you get to a certain age, it’s no longer productive to constantly fight your mother.

It’s when the woman sat back in her chair and smugly asked us for $90 that I had to restrain myself. For some reason, I was under the impression that she was doing us a favour, Buddhist to Buddhist. After all, that’s in the teachings of Buddha, is it not? For Jesus, as well. I’m not religious, but I bring this up to highlight the hypocrisy of this “good” Buddhist woman’s actions. Giving someone a shitty fortune for the price of $90 is not what Buddha would support. Actually, Buddha probably never ever said anything about being able to see the future.

As we are leaving, my mother tells me something very private about herself. It’s something she’s told me before as a child, but I had forgotten. My mother had two abortions and one miscarriage. Apparently she’d been racked with guilt still over the abortions and what this woman told her only fanned the flames. This woman told my mother that the spirits of the aborted children had been following her living children their entire lives, and they have been ruining our lives. My mother then explains how horrible she feels we had to pay the price her “evil” deeds.

Over the years, my mother has made many mistakes. Mistakes that she should be sorry for, but never is. Yet somehow she’s able to accept that she is at fault for something that’s completely non-existent. “I’m sorry I ruined your lives by having an abortion and allowing your dead siblings to follow you around” isn’t quite the same as “I’m sorry I wasn’t a perfect mother.”

My point is, fortune telling is a scam. I would be able to live with it if it was a scam that made the believers happy. Of course people wouldn’t mind paying $90 for good news as much as they mind paying $90 for bad news. God knows how much money my mother paid for to be told of her dead children’s adventures.

And I would have bridge this into a long conversation about abortion, but I’ll have to shelve that for next time.

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