I dislike that I’ve gotten to this stage of my life–the stage when all of my friends and acquaintances start getting married. Sure, there were some early birds that made the jump right out of high school and even some who went for it in their early twenties. But now, the five years before the deadly thirties? This is when the most action happens.
I wrote about marriage before. April 24th, 2010. This is why I keep journals, so that I can reference my incessant babbling in style. In that journal, I had been discouraged by marriage, and there were no constant reminders back then like there is now. Reading that journal now, all I can really say about that girl is that she is just some self-righteous brat who thought she knew everything there was to know about life.
Marriage is a piece of paper. Marriage is a religious practice. Marriage is the quickest way to get better health insurance. Marriage is proof of your love and devotion. Marriage is to save face–so that no one will look down on you for having children out of wedlock. Marriage is a promise.
I’m sure there are a lot more descriptions for marriage.
It’s funny. Marriage, to me, is family. I say this is funny because out of the six siblings of my mother’s family, there have been five failed marriages. Five out of six are the odds for failure in my genetics. I don’t know much about my father’s family. Hadn’t seen them in years. There are six siblings in his family as well, and I know of two failed marriages there. So in total, my genetic odds are seven out of twelve. Over 50 percent.
And yet somehow, when I think of marriage, I still think family. How is this possible? Having the family I have, how can I be optimistic? I should understand the reality of the world, right?
If I had to be brutally honest, I don’t care about marriage right now. I don’t think about it. I have no opinion towards it except that I want to be married one day. It’s the end goal, right? I’m a girl who’s been raised on Disney (who isn’t?) and usually those damn movies end with a white gown and wedding bells. It’s ruined me. It’s made me associate marriage with happily ever after when the reality of marriage is completely different.
Marriage is the exact same thing as a long term relationship. Except after marriage there is a legal obligation for both parties to care. See. I understand this logic perfectly. Yet somehow I can’t reconcile this reasoning with how I feel.